My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
