I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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