bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
