Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
