well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
