Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
