I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
