she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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