dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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