My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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