Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
