My hand turned me down
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
