The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
