after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
