i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
