I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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