i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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