we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
