just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
