see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
