I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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