its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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