i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
