Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
