i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
