Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
