I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Panties = found
Randomize
