Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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