every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
