how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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