i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
