You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
