Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
