we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
