He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
