DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
