it hurts more in the daytime
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I could make wine with my vomit
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
