I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
