I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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