Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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