Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
