clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
