I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
