READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
