$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
They have beer where we have blood.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
