Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
