Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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