I wish I could punch you in the face.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
