He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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