i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
