she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
